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What have we done to deserve this?

December 18 brings us the first three of 35 bowl games of the season and boy are they stinkers.

The Toilet Bowl (aka the New Mexico Bowl), Albuquerque, N.M. The poster child for too many bowls: BYU (6-6) vs. UTEP (6-6). I think I’d rather watch that video from “The Ring” but if you dare: ESPN 2pm.

The Freeze Your Nurtz Off Bowl (aka: Humanitarian Bowl) played on the most ridiculous field in America. Forecast for Boise, Idaho is a high of 35°F and 80% chance of snow. This is Northern Illinois‘ and Fresno State‘s punishment for thinking they are viable programs. ESPN 5:30pm.

The Unnecessary Bowl (aka the New Orleans Bowl) played – guess where – in a dump stadium in a dump city. Sorry to sound insensitive but Brangelina are mistaken. That city is through. If you go and value your life, do not stray too far outside the French Quarter. Troy vs. Ohio. ESPN 9pm

I apologize for the delay in postings to all my fans out there – both of you! – but I am back.

HAHA to Utah for losing two in a row, to TCU and  to Notre Dame?! Wow, you must be bad to lose to a team who lost to Tulsa. Utah has a possibility of losing three in a row when they face San Diego State (7-3). Too bad Boise doesn’t have a schedule like this.

Speaking of losing three in a row, the Ramblin’ Wreck has done broke! Three straight L’s for Georgia Tech: Clemson, Virginia Tech and Miami. If they are not careful and do not look ahead to the showdown with UGA, Duke will make it four.

Speaking of Duke, they peed on Virginia’s parade. After beating Miami and going to 4-4, they were feeling pretty good about bowl eligibility. Then they rolled over for Duke and Maryland. UVa ends the season at Virginia Tech. Call it. Time of death, November 6, 2010, 3:00pm.

Some stupid people started talking up Baylor just because they beat Texas. Well, who hasn’t beaten Texas? After sitting at 7-2 and ranked #25, the Bears ran smack into Big XII reality with back-to-back losses to Oklahoma State and Texas A&M by a collective score of 97-58.

Jake Locker, is this why you came back for your senior year? The Washington Huskies (3-6) quarterback turned down being picked #1 in the 2010 NFL draft and millions of dollars so that he could get the crap kicked out of him for free.

Somehow, the Arizona Wildcats made it to 7-2 and ranked #15. Stanford and Southern Cal changed all that. Up next, #1 Oregon. Welcome back to also-ran status.

Last week, Kansas State and UCF snuck their way into the Top 25 and abruptly lost. What is this? Everybody Gets a Trophy Day?

#5 Utah hosts #3 TCU. Both are undefeated and good teams. Neither has any business being in the Top 5. TCU should win but the game is played in Salt Lake City. It would be nice if Utah could win since they have a better chance of losing later.

• TCU remaining opponents: San Diego State, @New Mexico.
• Utah remaining opponents: @Notre Dame, @San Diego State, BYU.

#6 Alabama at #10 LSU is always a big game but this year’s game will help determine the winner of the SEC West. Both teams are 7-1, 4-1. If Bama wins, they still have a shot at the BCS. If the Tigers prevail, they have a chance but need to defeat Arkansas and have Auburn lose to UGA or the Tide.

* For those of you out there that want a playoff in college football, open your eyes! You have one. Michigan State and Mizzou were eliminated last Saturday. This weekend, two of the above teams will be gone.

Shhh. Sleeper alert: Hawaii has quietly gone 7-2 including a win over Nevada and putting up 36 points on Southern Cal (but giving up 49). On Saturday, they travel to that idiotic blue field in Boise. Shhh. Don’t tell anyone, but might the Rainbow Warriors pull an upset? How awesome would that be?

After their debacle in Norman, Oklahoma, Florida State reeled off five straight wins against some lesser opponents and got themselves back in the rankings (#16). Then they traveled to North Carolina State and lost 28-24. Look for the Wolfpack to find their way into the Top 25. Look for the ‘Noles to be heading the other direction.

Miami lost Jacory Harris to injury and then decided to stop playing. Virginia almost blew a 24 point 4^th quarter lead settling for a 24-19 win. Losing your QB is no excuse. If the ‘Canes expect to be taken seriously they cannot lose to teams like UVa.

Missouri, Michigan State: welcome back to reality. You heard it here first. As predicted, Nebraska throttles Mizzou 31-17 and Iowa destroys Sparty 37-6. B’bye. Thanks for playing.

Georgia got a little big for their britches after three straight wins against some lame-o teams. Saturday they returned to Big Boy football and lost a close one to Florida 34-31 in OT.

It’s always good to see Lame Kiffin lose: Oregon 53 Southern Cal 32.

HAHA of the Week: Notre Dame loses at HOME to Tulsa – HAHAHA! The Dames are now 4-5 and will have to win two of their last three games to be bowl eligible. Those opponents are #8 Utah, Army (played at Yankee Stadium), and Southern Cal. ND will be lucky to win one.

I didn’t expect #1 Ohio State to lose this soon nor this easily. #18 Wisconsin in the upset 31-18. This is what happens when you depend on the QB to provide all the offense (see Michigan, Nebraska, Auburn, Virginia Tech).

#5 Nebraska got a might bit too big for their own britches. They were already looking ahead to the Big XII Championship game in December. Unranked Texas, loser of two in a row, had other ideas 20-13. This is what happens when you depend on the QB to provide all the offense (see Michigan, Ohio State, Auburn, Virginia Tech).

A week after playing a perfect game vs. former #1 Alabama, #10 South Carolina lays a big fat egg to Kentucky who had just lost three straight.

Did you see the “Evil Genius” (aka: Steve Spurrier) at the end of the SC-UK game?? He pulled a Les Miles:
Down 31-28, 1st & 10 at UK’s 20 yd line with 11 seconds AND THE CLOCK ALREADY STOPPED, he calls his final timeout! After that, pretty much the only play you can call is a pass into the end zone. It was intercepted – game over.

Urban Meyer and #22 Florida lost their 3^rd straight game. Mississippi State wins in “the Swamp” 10-7. Well, I guess Tebow was pretty important to that program after all, huh?

Somebody tell me HOW IN THE HELL did #19 Nevada (loss to Hawaii) and #23 Air Force (loss to San Diego State) get ranked. Ridiculous.

When are folks going to stop believing Oregon State (#24) is ever going to do anything worthwhile? The go to 3-3 after losing to Washington 35-34.

BCS:

I don’t get this. How does Oklahoma get the top spot? They beat Utah State by 7, Air Force by 3 and Cincinnati by 2. I am unimpressed. I predict they lose AT LEAST one regular season game and the Big XII championship game to Nebraska.

As always, Boise is a joke.

** It is a darned shame it took this long but I am happy welcome the team of the week #18 Southern Cal to the 2010 Hahas. Many pleasant returns. Washington 32 USC 31. **

Gators fans thought they had righted the ship with the second coming of Jesus… oops, I mean Tebow in Trey Burton. Wrong. After scoring 6 TD vs. Kentucky, Burton was 0-1 passing with an end zone INT, 4 rushes for 5 yards, 0 catches, 0 TDs. #1 Alabama 31 #7 Florida 6.

Oblivious UGA fans who thought the absence of AJ Green was the reason for all their losses. Colorado wins 29-27 and the stupid fans storm the field. For beating a 1-4 team???

What did I say about #9 Stanford? Every year they make a little noise that the media wants to make into a big noise and they fall flat on their faces (52-31 loss to Oregon). No disrespect to the Ducks – who I now see as the co-number one team with Alabama – but I see a bumpy road ahead for the Cardinal.

#11 Wisconsin – same as above. They will always be a second tier. Michigan State wins 34-24.

#21 Texas – has gone from BCS runner-up to dropped from rankings in a few short months. Oklahoma 28-20.  †

It took an extra week, but now there are no more undefeated teams in the ACC. Va Tech over #23 NC State 41-30.

Haha on Charles Barkley and his best friend Turner Gill who wasn’t hired at Auburn – according to Chuck – because he is black. Kansas loses to li’l ol’ Baylor 55-7. #10 Auburn is 5-0.

Rutgers loses at home to Tulane 17-14. How’s that career move working out for you, Greg Schiano? Still think he is heir apparent in State College, PA?

Tommy Tuberville is 2-2 at Texas Tech losing to Iowa State(?!) 52-38.

†  The above rankings represent pre-game positions.

HaHas Week 4, 2010

#10 Arkansas – Bill Clinton was there. So were John Daly and Jerry Jones. Some students camped out since Monday to get a good seat (I guess going to class at Ark is optional). Others stood on a hill outside the stadium. Alabama had other ideas, 24-20. Good try. Back to second tier with you.

#7 Tex-ass – LAME. Lost at home by 21 to a mediocre UCLA team. Looking ahead to the Oklahoma game, Longhorns?

#12 South Carolina and Spurrier – it’s just NOT gonna happen. Ever. Auburn 35, South Carolina 27. Lattimore 14 rushes for 33 yards.

UGA and Richt – see above. The Dawgs (1-3) lose at Mississippi State 24-12 AND had another arrest on Sunday night (DUI). Their tenth since March.

Georgia Tech – Coach Johnson, I think teams are figuring out that silly little offense. NC State wins in Atlanta 45-28.

Minnesota – first they lose to South Dakota and now to Northern Illinois (quick, team colors and mascot?) at home 34-23.

Boise – You’re saying “why do they get a haha? They beat Oregon State.” Yes, but they did not really impress anyone in either of their high profile games (the other being Va Tech). Even the wonks who were pushing them are now backing off.

Notre Dame – ahh, this never gets old HAHAHAHA! Another loss for the Dames. This time the beneficiary was Stanford 37-14.

Preview of Week 5: every year it seems Stanford has a player who gets overhyped or they win a few games and everyone goes into a tizzy. But now they travel to Eugene Oregon to see what they are REALLY made of.

Week 4 brings some really interesting games that will help sort out what some teams are really made of.

#1 Alabama at #10 Arkansas – it’s Heisman hopeful Ryan Mallett vs. the young and inexperienced Alabama defensive backfield. The winner emerges as the SEC West favorite, as well as a BCS Bowl aspirations.

#12 South Carolina at #17 Auburn – Both teams are 3-0 and looking to show they are for real. SC has probably the best team under Spurrier in his six mediocre years in Columbia. The Tigers are coming off a hard-hitting OT win over Clemson.  This game is BIG for both teams.

#24 Oregon State at #3 Boise – We all know about Boise trying to bust their way into the big boys’ dance. Their answer to lame scheduling was to play Va Tech, OSU, Wyoming & Toledo. IMHO, if they wanted to be taken serious, those last two games should’ve been harder opponents since the WAC sked is SO lame. But anyway… The Beavers are like Jekyll & Hyde. For the sake of College Footbal, let’s hope they bring their A-game.

Nevada at BYU – Why is this important? Because we will get to see if Nevada is for real. The ‘Pack has rolled to a 3-0 start in three home games including a 52-31 romp over Cal. They may be the last shot at beating Boise who travels to Reno on November 26th.

Also watching:

• #22 West Virgina at #15 LSU -  Tigers fans are getting restless in Baton Rouge. A loss might cause a riot.
• #5 Oregon at Arizona State – The Ducks are my #3 behind Alabama and Ohio State.
• Kentucky at #9 Florida – Cobb and Locke should not be taken lightly as Florida tries to find their way.
• #16 Stanford at Notre Dame – the sun is always sunnier, the birds sing more merrily, everything is right with the world when Notre Dame loses.

Worst game of the Week: #118 New Mexico at #110 UNLV (rankings according to cbssports.com) – Both are 0-3. NM has given up 180 points in three games. I am taking Vegas.

HaHa Week 3:

Notre Dame – gets top honors for Week 3 – HAHA! The Dames kick a FG in OT. Michigan St lines up for a FG of their own & a 46-yarder at that. Spartans fake it for the winning TD. ND is 1-2 with #16 Stanford up next.
Runner up HaHa’s:

Cal gave up 52 points and 497 yards to Nevada. Keenan Allen 1 catch for 8 yds. How long til Tedford asks him to move to D?

Iowa loses to Arizona 34-27. How they got to be #9 is beyond me. Ricky Stanzi = overrated.

Jake Locker – we told him that it was a mistake coming back for another year when he would’ve been a top 5 NFL pick. Saturday, he went 4-20 for 71 yds 1 TD 2 INT vs. Nebraska. UW is 1-2… Houston’s Case Keenum probably should’ve gone pro too. He threw a pick-6 to UCLA and left the game on a cart after trying to tackle the guy. 0 TDs and 3 INT in the last 2 games.

Wake Forest has given up 116 point in the last two games. A few years ago Jim Grobe was a hot commodity. Not anymore.

Ole Miss - what a mess Houston Nutt has created in Oxford. After losing to D-II Jacksonville State, The Rebs suffer a 14-point loss to Vandy. Again, at home.

UGA: nine players arrested between spring and opening kickoff and another disappointing season. Why do Dawg fans put up with Mark Richt?

FedEx founder Fred Smith probably offered to build Memphis a new practice facility if they started his son at QB. Week 1 = 41 pt loss; Week 2 = sonny-boy is benched mid-game, 23 point loss; Week 3 = the brat does not play, 7 pt win. Hmmm… Any connection here?

…

We forgot the Week One HaHa Awards.

The top honor goes to Kansas for losing to tiny North Dakota State. ($25,000 if you could name NDSU’s mascot or colors before that game.) Also sharing this award is Charles Barkley who said Auburn was being racist for not hiring Turner Gill.
2nd place goes to Jake Locker and the overhyped Washington Huskies who lost to BYU 23-17.

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Ironically, this week’s HaHa Award goes to Georgia Tech who lost to Week 1 winner, Kansas. The Tech nerds have been talking smack all summer about their team and all this “Nesbitt for Heisman” nonsense.

More HaHas:

Boise State/Va Tech – Boise’s win over Va Tech is not looking so good anymore after the Hokies lose to adorable li’l James Madison.

The ACC – GT, VT, FSU, Miami – all with high profile losses.

Minnesota gives up 444 yds losing to South Dakota at home (quick: mascot or colors?).

In Memphis, the Tigers head coach grew a pair and benched the Fedex heir Cannon Smith – yes, his name is “Cannon” – after he threw an early pick 6 and fumbled a handoff vs ECU. They lost 49-27. Smith’s daddy warbucks is a huge Memphis booster and founder of Fedex.

***And back by popular demand, a crowd favorite, a BIG HAHA goes out to the 4-point favored Notre Dame as they go down to Michigan in South Bend. Ahh, that felt good.

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