Okay, how can you have a Military Bowl with no military teams in it? Oh well. Maryland (8-4) vs. East Carolina (6-6) Washington D.C. Dec. 29 2:30 p.m. ESPN zzzzzz…

Texas Bowl Wake me when it’s over. Illinois (6-6) vs. Baylor (7-5) Houston, Tex. Dec. 29 6 p.m. ESPN

Alamo Bowl Unlike the original Alamo, the Cowboys win this one big. Oklahoma State (10-2) vs. Arizona (7-5) San Antonio, Tex. Dec. 29 9:15 p.m. ESPN

Why is the Armed Forces Bowl in Fort Worth, Texas? There is nothing about that city that makes me think of the Armed Forces. It seems to me they are preying on our patriotism.  SMU (7-6) vs. Army (6-5)    Dec. 30 Noon ESPN

Pinstripe Bowl Who thought outdoor sports in New York City in December was a good idea? Football at Yankee Stadium has been done. It was boring. So are these teams. Kansas St. (7-5) vs. Syracuse (7-5) Bronx, N.Y. Dec. 30 3:20pm ESPN

Music City Bowl North Carolina disappointed to be 7-5 vs. Tennessee thrilled to be 6-6. Nashville, Tenn. LP Field Dec. 30 6:40pm ESPN

Holiday Bowl Oh, come on now! Hasn’t Washington’s Jake Locker (6-6) suffered enough from his stupid decision to return for his senior year? Nebraska (10-3) romps. San Diego Qualcomm Stadium Dec. 30 10pm ESPN

HAHA to Utah for losing two in a row, to TCU and  to Notre Dame?! Wow, you must be bad to lose to a team who lost to Tulsa. Utah has a possibility of losing three in a row when they face San Diego State (7-3). Too bad Boise doesn’t have a schedule like this.

Speaking of losing three in a row, the Ramblin’ Wreck has done broke! Three straight L’s for Georgia Tech: Clemson, Virginia Tech and Miami. If they are not careful and do not look ahead to the showdown with UGA, Duke will make it four.

Speaking of Duke, they peed on Virginia’s parade. After beating Miami and going to 4-4, they were feeling pretty good about bowl eligibility. Then they rolled over for Duke and Maryland. UVa ends the season at Virginia Tech. Call it. Time of death, November 6, 2010, 3:00pm.

Some stupid people started talking up Baylor just because they beat Texas. Well, who hasn’t beaten Texas? After sitting at 7-2 and ranked #25, the Bears ran smack into Big XII reality with back-to-back losses to Oklahoma State and Texas A&M by a collective score of 97-58.

Jake Locker, is this why you came back for your senior year? The Washington Huskies (3-6) quarterback turned down being picked #1 in the 2010 NFL draft and millions of dollars so that he could get the crap kicked out of him for free.

Somehow, the Arizona Wildcats made it to 7-2 and ranked #15. Stanford and Southern Cal changed all that. Up next, #1 Oregon. Welcome back to also-ran status.

Last week, Kansas State and UCF snuck their way into the Top 25 and abruptly lost. What is this? Everybody Gets a Trophy Day?